Dave's Testimony: Seeking Something Real

From the earliest times of elementary school I was immensely curious about life and what it had to offer. I was raised Presbyterian with inspirational people around me through the years that taught the history and stories of the Bible and Jesus. Then in 9th grade, someone from another organization explained these 4 spiritual laws to me using a little yellow booklet. It made sense. I prayed the prayer that it told me to. The man who got me to pray the prayer and his organization soon had me knocking on people's doors in no time to share the same four spiritual laws with strangers. I tried reading the Bible and prayed for God to change things in me, my attitudes, and my life. None of it worked. It didn't work immediately in my life so I gave up on God. I still had sexual lust, anger, and fears inside me that were all too real. However, I began a nine year long search for things other than God that might fulfill; as it turned out, things this world would substitute as solutions; things only to distract me from the problems inside myself. I tried [fantasy role playing games, painting, board games, computer games, being the class clown, singing, playing piano, many sports in and out of school, fiction books, school and grades, believing evolution, TV, lifting weights, romantic letters and poetry to an unattainable girl- obsession, music, growing my hair long, rock concerts, alcohol, opium, marijuana, laughter, comedy, getting away from parents, college, joining a fraternity, parties, science, engineering, tripping on LSD, a motorcycle, an awesome long term relationship with my wife to be, sex, vacations, seeing nature, my career, making money, a brand new car, living in a new geographic location]...almost everything I could find. It was all real...but deep inside me it wasn't. There was still something missing.

I began to run out of choices and things to try. Quitting drinking to save my relationship with Sharron cleared my mind so I couldn't hide from the truth of my discontentment as easily. Whisperings to reevaluate God came from my past, my girlfriend, my mom, my dad, and pastors of my parent's church speaking on tape, in person, and on the radio. These pastors had amazing incites into God, creation, Jesus, and seeming impossibilities of the Bible itself. Looking back, God coordinated and planned these voices so well to chip away at my stubborn mind and my rocky heart.

I was driving back from snowboarding with my dad at Snowshoe in West Virginia. I hate driving. I was bored and alone. It was agonizing. Near the end of the 11 hour drive, it became hell. My dad had given me some tapes of his pastor who we'd just heard a piercing and intriguing message from when I was at my hometown for Thanksgiving. I tried listening to the tapes. They talked about Heaven, a very specific description of a huge holy city of New Jerusalem that will exist after this world is destroyed at the end of time. It was amazing and interesting. I finished one tape and wanted to listen to another but it got jammed inside my tape deck. I was so desperate for something to occupy my brain, to fight the boredom, to keep the silence away so I started searching the radio stations. I couldn't tune anything in it seemed. I finally settled for some station with another preacher. I thought "Hey, my dad's pastors' tapes were kind of interesting, what the heck?" I don't know how He made me understand that God loves me. I was so sick of driving and fighting my way through life. I was tired of trying to live. I didn't want to commit suicide. I was just so tired of searching.

I finally realized I needed to give up my plan and my will and my life before God could come in and help me. I had never given up before. It was okay though...to give up to this God that loved me so much he first gave up his life for me. I simply had to do the same in return.

Giving up was the best feeling ever. Gradually, I started giving up all the things I hated about myself....lust, anger, frustration, worry, impatience, apathy, etc. It is a challenging process...but I have changed so much already by letting God have all this stuff and to change me for the better.

I'm able to have the peace that comes with knowing God is in control, cares about me, and has a plan for my life. I know He will continue to change my thoughts if I'll keep giving them up to him. I'll start to really love people for a change. The amazing city and all the qualities of Heaven that I heard about on that tape from my dad give me hope that the long list of empty things I searched through here on earth aren't the only things there are in life. There are real things that will be so much better when I walk through death's door to finally meet this God I know now face to face; to hug my Father in Heaven that promises in the Bible to personally wipe away the tears from my eyes. Ironically, my search is over and complete by giving up on it. Nothing else worked. I had to give it up to God--a God that loves me--a God that loves you.

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